I Can Do All Things - in 2021

I started 2020 like most of you - upbeat, optimistic, enthusiastic about the year ahead. Excited about the upcoming graduation for 2 of my kids. Looking forward to a trip to the Dominican Republic with my 4 teenagers and the church youth group.  I just finished reading Urgent by David Platt and had a renewed zeal to see God work in my life and that of my family.

We then suffered the same changes most of you did when the virus hit – trips cancelled, working and schooling from home, social distancing, toilet paper shortages.  All our lives were changed practically overnight.  

One of the things I held to during this time was my running.  My alone, stress relief time.  I was working on a 100 mile/month streak.  In May I finished my 46th month – on my way to 60 months before my 60th birthday. But in June – due to what I thought was a hamstring pull - I had to end it.  Though I was able to do some running in June and July and I was never able to fully recover.  Towards the end of August, I ended up in the ER due to exhaustion, almost passing out before I got there.  Due to my family history with heart disease, I underwent a heart catheterization.  My heart was fine, my arteries not so much.  I was diagnosed with high blood pressure that has probably been an undiagnosed issue for some time.  I was put on BP meds and blood thinners to help control and sent home after a 2-day hospital stay.  But things didn’t get better.  At first, I thought it was just needing to adjust to the meds and get the right mix.  But in early November – after adding numbness in my right ankle to the mix I decided to go see what else might be going on.  That’s when we discovered the brain tumor.  Five days later I was in surgery to have it removed - a surgery that took 12 hours.

Now before continuing I need to acknowledge the great support provided to me and my family during this time from friends, family, and my church.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I was one of the most prayed for people on the planet.  A meal train was set up for my family and we had no lack of meals and gift cards.  We got to experience the body of Christ at its best in action.

As I mentioned earlier, the surgery lasted 12 hours.  The recovery continues.  I spent 2 more weeks in the hospital and then 2 more at a rehab center.  I can honestly say that I totally underestimated the recovery process. The biggest challenge is that I lost the ability to speak (audibly) and to swallow.  One of my vocal cords is paralyzed.  With the help of an injection my voice has returned to where I can be heard and understood.  I have an ng tube through my nose to my stomach so I can be fed. I have not had a normal meal since November 10th.

10  I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity.   11  Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.   12  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.   13  I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

 - Philippians 4:10-13

Philippians 4:13 is probably one of the most out-of-context quoted verses in the Bible.  So I’ve included context in verses 10-12.  I believe that Paul is claiming that it does not matter what circumstances he finds himself in,  good or bad, he is able, through Christ’s strength, to accomplish what God wills to be done.

Since my surgery I’ve found myself in circumstances that I have found less than desirable.  Among other things, my speech has been impaired, I can’t swallow, my balance has been shaky and my strength has been zapped. It’s easy to just feel useless. It's humbling to have to rely on others for help.  I’ve prayed numerous times for God to intervene and restore me to full health but He has chosen not to.  But what He has shown me is that Philippians 4:13 actually does apply to me.  In my current circumstances, if I rely on His strength, I can do all things – I can be used by Him to accomplish his purposes.  But the strength comes from Him, not from me.

Or as Paul also wrote:

9  But he said to me,  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.   10   For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

So that’s where I find myself entering into 2021, relying on Christ’s strength and not my own, surrendering (or at least trying) to His will and plans and not my own. And I’ll still be praying to be restored to full health – which will happen – in His timing not mine.

By the way, my tumor was a schwannoma. They managed to remove 95% of it, but left 5% to try to avoid any permanent nerve damage. It was benign. It probably had been growing for some time and was pressing down on my brain effecting certain nerve functions – including those which effect my vocal cords and ability to swallow. It should not grow back but I will have an MRI in early February to make sure. The loss of swallowing ability should be temporary- just don’t know for how long.  Therapy, including swallowing exercises should help in getting that ability back.